Life, Love and Happiness…Oh and maaybe some sex

What is life? What does this all mean? What do I want from all of this?

I want so much, just like anyone else in the world.

I want to succeed in my academics, profession, relationship, friendship and most importantly at life. I want to make my parents proud and my future kids proud, I also want to be proud of what I have accomplished.

But as I have been thinking more and more of what I want from life, where do I want to be in 1 year, 5 years or hell 20 years(ohh god that’s scary)? The answer to this question is I have no fucking clue. I haven’t the slightest idea of what I want that will make me happy until the ripe age of 65. This scares me more than anything. If I don’t know this now…When will I know? How do I figure this out?

Why do some people know exactly what they want as soon as they come out of the womb? Some people don’t figure it out in their eye-opening years of college…well in that case…IT’S MY FUCKING TURN!!

And that’s another thing…I haven’t lead the normal college life and I blame that for not knowing what I want out of life. I have been focused on making money to pay bills for far too long. It really makes me depressed at times because I hear all these amazing drunken shenanigans that people do/have done in college and I haven’t done any of this. Sure I had my fun in high school with the normal house parties, keg parties,  sneaking out, using a fake ID, etc…. But I want college fun. I want to live in a dorm and walk to class hungover and half awake.  I want to do stupid shit that I will more than likely regret the next morning. I want to have a drunken threesome with some of my dorm mates. I want to only have enough money in my bank account to buy booze and maybe a McDonald’s jr. cheeseburger. I want so many things that are associated with college living…

But what am I doing? Living on my own, paying all my own bills, just bought a new car, working a hectic 40+ hour a week job, going to school full-time and basically living a boring adult life…and failing miserably at it.

I’m torn between being slightly proud of myself for being only 21 and making a considerable amount of money already, paying for all my own shit and being more or less independent….and not living a fulfilling completely irresponsible life.

And I know… “Chelsea the answer is simple….just quit your job, get a job serving downtown near college, sleep until 3pm and do whatever the fuck I want to do!” Oh my gosh…that sounds fucking amazing.

But how about no.

Off the topic of me talking about my feelings *yuck*. Gman and I have never really had an awkward moments during sex or foreplay..nothing besides the normal queef…which for some reason makes me giggle when that happens…probably not so much a turn on haha.

So sometimes my vagina gets tired and stop lubricating itself mid- sex…I mean damn…give her a break…with all the foreplay and penetration…she just needs a little break every now and then.(if that last sentence didn’t make me seem like a major nympho then you have very low standards). So this is when gman and I use some lube, we have only used lube maybe 2 times before this incident. Fumbling around in the drawer next to my bed without looking at what I was picking up.

Back up a minute— About a month or 2 ago I went to the store and bought this sample pack of cute looking lube bottles. There were 6. I thought lube was lube was lube…oh Boy was I wrong.

So I give gman a bottle that I grab from the drawer. He opens it…puts it on the outside of my vagina and starts to put it on the tip of his penis. I felt it getting very warm and I just thought that’s what it was supposed to feel like. He put his penis inside me and thrusts a couple of times and then we both realize it was fucking BURNING! We both jump out of the bed and get into the shower!!

Lesson learned: Lube isn’t lube isn’t lube.

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sex, sex and more sex!

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He pushes me on the floor next to the couch and crawls on top of me. kissing my neck and collar bone and nibbling all the areas in between. He pulls my shirt up and starts rubbing and kissing my stomach. He jerks me up from the floor and carries my upstairs to the bedroom. as he undresses me he takes the shirt i was wearing and ties my arms behind my back. OH MY GOD….I WANT THIS!! He rips my pants off and starts playing around the outside of my vagina (I fucking love when he uses his hands inside me. He is sooo fucking good at it) While my hands are still tied up behind me he goes down on my and starts licking my vagina and puts his fingers deep inside me, doing whatever he does with his fingers, I am truly in heaven… holyjesus.. The whole session was amazing and he ended up fucking me while he was on top, he did all the work and I felt sooo refreshed afterwards.

 

The night before he came over to my place and we had sex in my shower! I also love shower sex! It didn’t last long in the shower and we ended up on my bed! God this guy is amazing. Sex doesn’t feel like a chore or obligation with him. I fucking love it.

Gman got me fucking flowers this morning! MUAHAHAH fucking flowers. They were beautiful

So the picture didn’t turn out so great once I uploaded it to this site…hmm I am probably doing  something wrong! Sorrry!

 

And also gman and I are hanging out tomorrow motherfuckers!! what what! He asked me last week if I wanted to do something and then we made plans about what to do yesterday! we are making dinner together at his place after we get off work! Just keeping it low key 🙂

He makes me so happy! I love hanging out with him and I love making him happy! If I am so happy with him I wonder why I still feel depressed about the ex sometime. Grr its so frustrating. I know he is living at a place where its a constant party and I know he hates that. He’s also a pretty clean person and the place where he is living is also really messy and gets dirty quickly, and I know he hates that too. I feel so bad for him. I feel like this is all my fault! I also miss my dog so much its ridiculous.. I think about him every day. I wish I could have my dog back 😦 I know I don’t have the time for him right now though and I know he is probably always being played with over there.

Doin’ the DIIRRTYY

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so I’ve seen some other bloggers making “life lists” both sexual and non. So I will make mine or start it for that matter. It will just be a post for now, but I will soon make it into its own page, once I come up with enough to make it interesting. Suggestions are definitely welcome!

  • Have a threesome- I want this sooo bad, but I just cant get over the awkwardness part and I also haven’t found a 3rd suitable person
  • Role play- you know typical school girl, secretary, cheerleader(again, I want to do this so bad, but the idea is a little bit awkward for me, I want to become more comfortable with it soon!)
  • Use toys with my SO- nothing too crazy, maybe just a cock ring, vibrator, etc.
  • Have sex in a car while going through an automatic car wash
  • Have sex while someone else is watching- on that same note, I want to do it in a room that has a large window as it’s wall. I want to do it right up against the window so that others can see.
  • Similar to the above and below- having sex while on a web cam on a site like chat roulette(obviously not chat roulette but a sex type chat roulette site)
  • Having sex while being video taped
  • Have sex on the beach at night
  • Have sex on a hotel balcony
  • Silk/satin sheets with candles all around(I know sooo cliche, but I want it!)
  • Outside, somewhere border-line public
  • On the hood of a car(preferably at night, and down a deserted road of sorts)
  • Sex swing. Enough said.
  • Sex while blindfolded and tied up and tie up and blindfold my SO/ I also want to be spanked and have my hair pulled(not terribly hard, I wouldn’t consider myself a sadist at all)
  • Give a sexy striptease (I do not feel graceful or sexy enough for this, but I would love to do it to please the other person)
  • Have sex in the rain
  • Try some positions in one of those Kamasutra books

 

More to come!

Definitely girl on girl

After class when all the other students and the professor leave, its only me and you left. I push you up against the wall and start to kiss you deeply, my hand grasping the outside of your shirt on your breasts. This moment has been on my mind for some time now. I unbutton your shirt and feel your bare breasts on my  hands. I rub my hands up and down your naked chest and stomach. Starting to kiss and massage your  glistening body, I can feel myself becoming so wet. I can feel your hot breath on my neck and back as you kiss me and nibble on my ear. Your long dark hair and oh so sexy lip ring turn me on so much, you face is so mysterious and your body is so perfect. Your pants unzipped and my shirt off now, you know what I want and you want too. As I pull off your pants I can feel your warm wet pussy from the outside of your panties. Your hand glides from my stomach to the bare skin on my thighs. I kiss your neck and whisper in your ear that there’s only one thing missing. I lead you over to the professors desk and lay you down on top of it. At the desk there is a man sitting, watching, and waiting for his time to join in. He loves to watch me pleasure other girls. I spread your legs apart and start kissing the inside of your thighs while caressing your breasts. I breath hard and my hot breath against your vagina makes you dripping wet and wanting more. I start to lick the outside of your wet pussy and put my fingers inside you. As I push my fingers deeper inside you, you let out a series of moans. I pull my friend over to help pleasure you even more, he starts to rub your breasts while I’m still sucking and tasting your pussy. I move up to kiss you and see your sexy body laying helpless on the professors desk. I sit on the edge of the chair and you move your hands toward my body. You move off the desk and get on your knees in front of me. Your hands are moving up, down and all around my naked body. You move towards my pussy and start to play around the outside and around my thighs. I pull the man over and he sits on the desk, unzipping his pants I can feel his hard throbbing penis waiting to get out. I rub along the outside of his legs and stomach. I grab his cock and place the tip of it on my tongue, licking around and massaging the shaft with my hand. As you begin to lick my pussy, I get a tighter grip on his cock and pull it deeper. With his cock in my mouth and you licking my pussy, I am so wet and horny. I suck his cock until he cant take it anymore and is begging to put it inside me. He pulls me up from the chair and puts me on the ground, on all fours, I ask you to come lay under me so I can lick your pussy while Im getting fucked. He slaps my ass as he fucks me from behind.

Girl on girl perhaps?

As you can see from the previous entry, I am a Steelers fan!! and I am absolutely overrun with joy that they beat the jets and are now going to the one and only SUPERBOWL!! WOOT WOOT!!

No news on the ex at the moment. We haven’t talked in days, and sometimes I really miss a lot of things about him, but it seems to get easier and easier as time goes by. I think I miss the idea of being comfortable with/around him and his family, I don”t think I miss the whole idea of us being together. There are many nights when I am upset because I am alone and ask myself if I made the right decision. I can’t want to be with him because he is in my comfort zone, I need to want to be with him because I want to and I am in love with him. (wow have fun reading that one and understanding it)…That just isn’t the case, so when I logically think about it, I did make the right decision. 🙂

 

In class today(neurobiology–my most favorite class of them all), I noticed this girl. She has dark brown/black hair, a lip ring(studded not circular), and she is very petite. She really got my attention and for the duration of class I could do nothing but stare at her. she is gorgeous. I have never been with a girl or had tendencies to be with a girl(besides wanting to have a threesome, which the idea is fun for everyone! 🙂 ). I have no clue what is going on in my head. Literally  just looking at her turned me on. I don’t even know how to handle this. I know I’m not a lesbian, I love penis waaaaay to much!! I have conlcuded that I am going to sit by her next class and strike up a conversation and see where it goes from there.

 

Then it all sets in as I’m walking from class to my car. I don’t know how to do anything with another girl. I don’t know how to finger a girl, I don’t know how to touch her, I mean I guess I do it to myself so it would basically be the same thing, but that’s a weird thought to have. The vagina is such a weird thing. I don’t really even like my own vagina…how could I touch and play with someone else’s?!

I got my package from the sex store that I ordered from! The outfit was not as cute in person as it was on the computer screen…that’s ok, Ill work with it though. This is another awkward thing for me. I can’t wait to wear it for him, how do I put it on? what do I do when I put it on, I’m not comfortable with the idea of role playing, although I’m sure he would make it comfy and easy. hmmm I just don’t know. I will have to let you know how this all plays out.

 

Also I went to the Aluminum Show with gman this weekend. It was fun, we went to dinner afterward and then back to his place. It was fun. The Aluminum show was a blast, if you have the chance to do it, I recommend it! It’s definitely different than anything I have done. When cirque de solieu(not sure how to spell that exactly :/) comes to Charleston, I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to go. We’ll see!

 

Im going to goo look up some stuff about my lesbian tendencies.