Big step here I come

So I know I have been a very bad girl recently and honestly I don’t know if that will change anytime soon..I started school back and trying to balance working full time for a big corporate company, having a boyfriend and going to school full time is ridiculously hard. I love it but it’s certainly a test of discipline.

So since last time I have been to Chicago for a festival with gman and although I mentioned his ex was going to be there, we didn’t even see her…success.. We had a great time, we were extremely dirty and tired after each day but it was SO worth it!! We saw bands like The Flaming Lips, David Grey, Kid Cudi, Michael Franti and Spearhead, SOJA, soulive, ofcourse DMB and sooo many others I can’t even think of them at the moment. Although we had a great time at the festival itself, Chicago was not a very impressive city to me…and frankly I would never go back, unless it was for work and I was forced.

Also big step with the boy…as I have earlier mentioned my discontent with the fact that he shared his dog with his ex in some odd custody split….he has since let her keep the dog for good and there is no more sharing! Woot woot. It sucks that the dog couldn’t go to him because I knew he is really upset about it, which I understand because I just went through that situation with my ex, but something had to give. It was getting a little ridiculous for me at least. Anywho, that’s over and done with no reason to keep talking junk about it and the situation!

I started school and I will only have 1 more semester after this one to get my bachelors and I am more than ecstatic!! I. Can’t. Freaking. Wait.

Gman and I have talked about moving in together and I think we might do it…My lease is up in about a month and we are with each other just about every day and spend the night at one house or the other every night. It just makes sense financially and he wants to be closer to the city than where he is now. I am totally on board with this, but I am scared SHITLESS!! I have never lived with a boy besides the ex and that only happened out of necessity when it did originally happen. I really hope this all works and I am being a little scardy cat bitch for nothing.

Ohhh there is another sexy girl in one of my classes and I really feel like a creep talking about girls in a sexual way…and I am not really sure why I do talk about them in a sexual way, I have never had any interaction with another girl…so I don’t even know what I’m talking about! :-/ but she is in one of my classes and she again has long dark brown hair, tan, and has a lip piercing. Those damn lip piercings are so hot and get me every time! I am not going to try to pursue her or anything, but she does sit by me every class if that counts for anything! :-p

So that’s that…Maybe I’ll write again tomorrow…Maybe not…

Maybe I’ll have some amazing sexy threesome story to tell you guys….maybe not…

Maybe I’ll just tell you guys about the hot sex I’m having with gman….maybe not…

 

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Quick little bullet points! (bullet reminds me of mullet and that’s gross)

So I suck…sorry for sucking so much, and not in a good way at all. Also this post will just be a collage of randomness!

I want to write so much more but I just can not find the time for it now! I just moved stores so I am much closer to my house, but I still feel I never have time for anything!!

Also my mom just had surgery today and I had to take off a week or so from work so I could help her do things. Maybe I will find time then to do all these things that I think I need to do….

I also want to have sex, crazy, spontaneous, fun sex. I want to do something I haven’t done yet. Sex on the beach sounds so cliché, but I think it would be so romantic.

I will be going to Chicago in July for the DMB caravan tour and I am BEYOND excited for it!! Gman’s ex will be there…major bummer and it really bothered me when I first told him…it actually caused a huge argument in which I basically didn’t talk to him for an hour or so. It was terrible. But I feel like they still talk via text and the fact that they still split custody of the dog means they will keep talking via text or phone until they figure out who gets to keep the dog. who knows if he will ever even have that convo… I don’t know what bothers me about her and him talking…hey havent been together for 2 years now and she has a boyfriend, I just don’t like it. She is really pretty and I sometimes feel like the things he likes or wants from his girlfriend are exactly what she is! I feel like I’m just not going to cut it sometimes and even though I completely believe that he does not want to go back to her…I feel like I will be compared to her.

The other day Gman and I were talking and we were both a little tipsy…I think he was about to tell me he loved me?! maybe I’m wrong and I’m just flattering myself. But I was soooo fucking scared. I changed the conversation so quickly! I wouldn’t know what to say to him if he said that…I would be speechless. I don’t know if I love him. I really really like him and I really like to hang out with him and spend my time with him. But love is such a special word to me and I don’t think what we have yet is love. Love to me is something deeper than just spending time together for a couple of months.

I want to buy a tv for my bedroom, an ipad for school, and I desperately need a new computer…I have been holding out for some time now…but as soon as I get some extra cash…I will be buying one.

Life, Love and Happiness…Oh and maaybe some sex

What is life? What does this all mean? What do I want from all of this?

I want so much, just like anyone else in the world.

I want to succeed in my academics, profession, relationship, friendship and most importantly at life. I want to make my parents proud and my future kids proud, I also want to be proud of what I have accomplished.

But as I have been thinking more and more of what I want from life, where do I want to be in 1 year, 5 years or hell 20 years(ohh god that’s scary)? The answer to this question is I have no fucking clue. I haven’t the slightest idea of what I want that will make me happy until the ripe age of 65. This scares me more than anything. If I don’t know this now…When will I know? How do I figure this out?

Why do some people know exactly what they want as soon as they come out of the womb? Some people don’t figure it out in their eye-opening years of college…well in that case…IT’S MY FUCKING TURN!!

And that’s another thing…I haven’t lead the normal college life and I blame that for not knowing what I want out of life. I have been focused on making money to pay bills for far too long. It really makes me depressed at times because I hear all these amazing drunken shenanigans that people do/have done in college and I haven’t done any of this. Sure I had my fun in high school with the normal house parties, keg parties,  sneaking out, using a fake ID, etc…. But I want college fun. I want to live in a dorm and walk to class hungover and half awake.  I want to do stupid shit that I will more than likely regret the next morning. I want to have a drunken threesome with some of my dorm mates. I want to only have enough money in my bank account to buy booze and maybe a McDonald’s jr. cheeseburger. I want so many things that are associated with college living…

But what am I doing? Living on my own, paying all my own bills, just bought a new car, working a hectic 40+ hour a week job, going to school full-time and basically living a boring adult life…and failing miserably at it.

I’m torn between being slightly proud of myself for being only 21 and making a considerable amount of money already, paying for all my own shit and being more or less independent….and not living a fulfilling completely irresponsible life.

And I know… “Chelsea the answer is simple….just quit your job, get a job serving downtown near college, sleep until 3pm and do whatever the fuck I want to do!” Oh my gosh…that sounds fucking amazing.

But how about no.

Off the topic of me talking about my feelings *yuck*. Gman and I have never really had an awkward moments during sex or foreplay..nothing besides the normal queef…which for some reason makes me giggle when that happens…probably not so much a turn on haha.

So sometimes my vagina gets tired and stop lubricating itself mid- sex…I mean damn…give her a break…with all the foreplay and penetration…she just needs a little break every now and then.(if that last sentence didn’t make me seem like a major nympho then you have very low standards). So this is when gman and I use some lube, we have only used lube maybe 2 times before this incident. Fumbling around in the drawer next to my bed without looking at what I was picking up.

Back up a minute— About a month or 2 ago I went to the store and bought this sample pack of cute looking lube bottles. There were 6. I thought lube was lube was lube…oh Boy was I wrong.

So I give gman a bottle that I grab from the drawer. He opens it…puts it on the outside of my vagina and starts to put it on the tip of his penis. I felt it getting very warm and I just thought that’s what it was supposed to feel like. He put his penis inside me and thrusts a couple of times and then we both realize it was fucking BURNING! We both jump out of the bed and get into the shower!!

Lesson learned: Lube isn’t lube isn’t lube.

I guess there’s a first time for everything!

First time I told someone about my crush on you;

It was our friend, female backpack(I will call her that because she is the epitome of a female backpack…but that’s a whole ‘nother post). We work with her and she was one of the only people I really talked to at work at the time. I was still with the ex and told her to keep it quite because it was just a crush. I thought about you all the time and every time I talked to you at work I blushed(even though I still do this a good bit now)

First time we did something together outside of work;

It was a Friday after our Friday morning meeting, you invited me over to your house until my shift started. I lived about 30 minutes away from work so driving home would have been a wasted trip. We got to your house and I was sooo nervous. I knew you had no clue I had a crush on you and I was still with the ex. You just did this being kind, you had no expectations of doing anything with me and you even sat on a different couch. You were just being a genuinely nice guy. You slept with your black stripped comforter on the other couch while I watched Sportscenter on your TV.

First time I hung out with you and one of your friends;

It was Christmas and I came over after I left my family. Your family doesn’t live down here and neither does your friends’ (let’s call him Sam Adams–he drinks a ridiculous amount of alcohol and is continuously partying). So you and Sam Adams were hanging out at your place and I came over. I was nervous(like every other time I did anything with you) to see you, but mostly to meet one of your friends(in case you guys haven’t noticed I have really bad anxiety meeting new people, especially people I know that are important to gman). So I walked in and you guys were watching basketball. I suggested we go get some beer and drink a little bit. You and I got into my car(which you were so very afraid of my driving-mostly because I did take up 2 parking places when we arrived at the store-but in my defense it was Christmas and no one was out) went to the store and got some beer–you paid because the ATM was not working for me for some weird reason and the gas station apparently didn’t take credit cards(RIIIGGGHTT). We went back to your place with the beer and watched Life on Discovery Channel and countless episodes of Bear Grylls.

First time we kissed;

We were at your house…I had never seen the upstairs to your house on the couple of occasions I was there. So you asked me if I wanted to see it. I said yes and you gave me a tour. As we got back downstairs I was walking toward the small couch in your living room. You grabbed my arm and softly turned me around and kissed me. I was shaking, I was sooo nervous. You were so gentle and everything was so perfect.

First time we had sex;

We were at your house, it was in the evening we started on the couch kissing and touching each other, we then went upstairs and continued. Again you were so gentle and so kind and you asked me to make sure this was what I wanted to do and I was comfortable with it before it went any further. You were amazing. You really know what to do make me comfortable. You really know how to make me moan and keep me satisfied.

The time you asked me to be your girlfriend;

This situation is better told by you… and for anyone who wants to read, you can do so here!

We were downtown for the day, just walking around, we had some lunch and afterward we went to a local restaurant and had some beers. We were at a park downtown right on the water with this huge fountain in the shape of a pineapple (coincidentally named The Pineapple Fountain). Your arms were wrapped around me from behind and I was looking out toward the fountain. You said you’ve really enjoyed the time we have spent together this far and want more times like these in the future. You said a number of other very nice things about us and then asked me if I wanted to be your official girlfriend. I stupidly didn’t answer and was kind of shocked that you actually asked me this question. You kept talking for a minute or so and then said if I didn’t want to tell you right then that was ok. You are such a gentleman.

I am so glad I said yes, I am so glad we are together. You are magnificent, every part of you is beautiful and every time we are together I am happy and you’re the only thing that matters to me.

I really hope we can have many more firsts.

Sex me up please!

Ok! So I am all moved in, despite a few boxes and some things that need to be moved to storage, I am happy! I like it here…it feels a lot homier than my old place!

My dad helped me on moving day and without him I would have been overloaded and very stressed. Thank GOD for my daddy!! 🙂 He really did a lot more than I could have ever asked!

I also bought a TV from Best Buy because the ex took my old TV.

Also, I have been reading some blogs and most of the blogs I follow have something to do with sex…and I get horny, and that’s where I stand right now…I want to have sex and gman is working until 9. Work is so frustrating sometimes. Gman bought me this cute little Droid(I’m a geek, I know 🙂 ) for no reason at all! This is what I fucking want!! He is perfect. He is always there to listen to me… I am so incredibly happy with him and I am sooooo happy I have him right now. Although I talk alot about missing my ex, I know me being with gman is right. I can feel it…I am actually happy. He actually listens to me, tries to help me fix my problems, he tells me when I am being bratty about something that I am complaining about. I can actually have an intellectual conversation with him,  but then we can have a completely childish and silly conversation…. he is absolutely flawless! 🙂

The Gilmore Girls is a great show! I want to be like Lorelai! She is beautiful, independent, witty and has a very intelligent and witty daughter(who I like alot too!!)

And now this is just getting random….I’m going to stop!!

Ohhh and  I will be going to a baseball game this weekend. Its my college versus gman’s college! Woot Woot!!

And I also tried to load a super sexy picture to this post, but it never loads…I swear I am very tech savvy but this website just seems to always win! :/

Quickie

Gman and I went to the zoo today in a city about an hour away from where I live…. It was amazing…the whole day, once we got back into town we went to Red’s Icehouse (for some crablegs!) and then came back to my place to watch tv for a little bit!! I had soo much fun with him and I am soooo fucking happy to be with him! I’m glad I have him and I can spend as much time as I do with him! He is so perfect in every single way. I really hope this works out!!! I really hope his stupid ex and my stupid jealousy don’t ruin this for me!

I also look back on some of the post I have been writing and a lot of it is about me liking girls…and I kind of feel bad for leaving gman (who is a HUGE part of my life right now) out of the mix. Everything is PERFECT with him…in the bed and out and I want to stress that as much as possible!!

Am I a lesbian!?!


When I watch porn I prefer to watch girl on girl and I really like when a guy is eating a girl out. That gets me going more than anything!! Does this make me bi-sexual??

Gman and I went to a concert this Saturday at a place called The Pour House on James Island. We got a couple drinks  and we were just listening to some good music (Jeff Coffin from Dave Matthews Band was playing) and dancing around a little bit. There was this girl who was slightly intoxicated and she was really getting into the music. She had brown hair and she was BEAUTIFUL (the girl from the neurobiology class still has me…but this girl totally would have done the job)…let me remind you that I have never done 1 thing with a girl, but lately I have been really feeling more drawn to initiating a threesome with gman!

DISCLAIMER: Penis will always be my favorite…just trying to be a little more adventurous.

On a non-sexual note, I just played soccer tonight after 3 years of not even touching a soccer ball. major FAIL….I was exhausted after about 5 minutes, and don’t get me wrong, the people that were also playing weren’t amazing or anything, but it’s uber frustrating when you know your potential and just keep fucking everything up. I played soccer for about 11 years of my life and am not a star but I know the game…..OH well….guess I’ll be practicing more in the coming weeks! YIPPPEEEE

Gman really does make me sooo happy. I love being with him more than anything. He is such an nice guy and tries so hard to be nice to me, think of me when hes doing stuff(getting lunch, coffee in the mornings, etc)…I’m getting over the ex stuff with him more and more everyday. I feel like if I am jealous about it and complain about shit all the time then it will only make him resent me and possibly not want to even be with me because I can’t accept the fact that he talks to his ex. If he wanted to be with her then he would have done so within the past 2 years….and he didn’t, so I need to trust him and his decisions. I need to put myself in his shoes, but on the same note he needs to put himself in my shoes every once in a while too…I get jealous and that’s a completely natural reaction to have…I just need to control it!!

Here’s to sexy time, anxiety and happiness!!

So if you guys don’t think I’m bipolar…then there is something wrong with YOU! 🙂 My last post was an angry rant of mine in which I sounded completely disgusted with the situation between gman and I.

We talked about this AGAIN and hopefully this will not be a problem ever again.

Gman’s birthday was on Friday and we went out on Saturday. I was a mess beforehand because all I could think about was meeting his friends at dinner and then some more friends later that night at the bars. Despite my anxiety, It def was a success! I had a blast and I can’t wait to do it again! All of his friends were very nice to me and it was awesome! Also his ex girlfriend did not show up, which was even better.

We also took a couple minute trip to the bathroom and had a little fun! WOO HOOO. All the entries on my  little life list I have going might get crossed off before I know it!!

After the bar that night we went back to his place, on the ride home I was driving and he kept kissing and touching me and even unbuttoned my pants….when we walked in his house, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other and barely made it upstairs, well we actually left almost all our clothes downstairs. I wasn’t thinking his roomie was coming back but apparently she had the same ideas we had! She came home to discover us having sex upstairs in gman’s bedroom and all of our clothes scattered downstairs. Her and her man actually had sex in her room right next to gman’s while we were having sex too…that’s fucking sexy if you ask me. Not to mention I had bruises all over my legs and arms from us. 😀

So I know the time is coming for gman to meet my parents and where they live and all that good stuff. I am sooo excited about this, I can’t wait for him to meet everyone. I think everyone will like him so much and they will all get along very well. There is one thing that I am so insecure about and have been since I can remember. Since I have had the same bf since high school I really didn’t have to worry about this, I  grew up with him and I have had all the same friends since middle/high school. There is no reason I should be insecure about this and there really is no reason I should even care what other people think. But I do and I am. My parents live in a city of Charleston that is known as “upscale” or where people with money live….and this is true. somewhat. My parents are not rich, nor are we “upscale” by any means. We don’t have a membership to a country club, I don’t have a trust fund, my parents don’t have multiple houses and cars, hell my parents haven’t even given me any money since I was probably 15. My mom just got a job at a local police department to be a 911 dispatcher and my dad owns his own contracting business. My parents live in a double wide trailer, and its not a trashy double wide…it has hardwood floors inside and they have painted and redone all the bathrooms. They keep it clean and its not the typical “trailer” that you think about. I feel like I am being so superficial thinking the way that I do and worrying about minuscule things like this…. I also think, Oh if anyone else doesn’t like me or judges me based on this thing then they aren’t worth being my friend, they aren’t worth my time. But I like gman and I don’t want something like this to fuck it all up. This is also something that is super awkward for me to talk about…how do I bring this up, how do i start this conversation, is this even a conversation that needs to be discussed? I should not be ashamed of where I live, have lived or where my parents live. My parents are amazing people and if they are happy, then I should be happy! This should not bother me…but it does! 😦

“I like waking up to you….and going to bed next to you”-gman

sex, sex and more sex!

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He pushes me on the floor next to the couch and crawls on top of me. kissing my neck and collar bone and nibbling all the areas in between. He pulls my shirt up and starts rubbing and kissing my stomach. He jerks me up from the floor and carries my upstairs to the bedroom. as he undresses me he takes the shirt i was wearing and ties my arms behind my back. OH MY GOD….I WANT THIS!! He rips my pants off and starts playing around the outside of my vagina (I fucking love when he uses his hands inside me. He is sooo fucking good at it) While my hands are still tied up behind me he goes down on my and starts licking my vagina and puts his fingers deep inside me, doing whatever he does with his fingers, I am truly in heaven… holyjesus.. The whole session was amazing and he ended up fucking me while he was on top, he did all the work and I felt sooo refreshed afterwards.

 

The night before he came over to my place and we had sex in my shower! I also love shower sex! It didn’t last long in the shower and we ended up on my bed! God this guy is amazing. Sex doesn’t feel like a chore or obligation with him. I fucking love it.

Gman got me fucking flowers this morning! MUAHAHAH fucking flowers. They were beautiful

So the picture didn’t turn out so great once I uploaded it to this site…hmm I am probably doing  something wrong! Sorrry!

 

And also gman and I are hanging out tomorrow motherfuckers!! what what! He asked me last week if I wanted to do something and then we made plans about what to do yesterday! we are making dinner together at his place after we get off work! Just keeping it low key 🙂

He makes me so happy! I love hanging out with him and I love making him happy! If I am so happy with him I wonder why I still feel depressed about the ex sometime. Grr its so frustrating. I know he is living at a place where its a constant party and I know he hates that. He’s also a pretty clean person and the place where he is living is also really messy and gets dirty quickly, and I know he hates that too. I feel so bad for him. I feel like this is all my fault! I also miss my dog so much its ridiculous.. I think about him every day. I wish I could have my dog back 😦 I know I don’t have the time for him right now though and I know he is probably always being played with over there.

Doin’ the DIIRRTYY

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so I’ve seen some other bloggers making “life lists” both sexual and non. So I will make mine or start it for that matter. It will just be a post for now, but I will soon make it into its own page, once I come up with enough to make it interesting. Suggestions are definitely welcome!

  • Have a threesome- I want this sooo bad, but I just cant get over the awkwardness part and I also haven’t found a 3rd suitable person
  • Role play- you know typical school girl, secretary, cheerleader(again, I want to do this so bad, but the idea is a little bit awkward for me, I want to become more comfortable with it soon!)
  • Use toys with my SO- nothing too crazy, maybe just a cock ring, vibrator, etc.
  • Have sex in a car while going through an automatic car wash
  • Have sex while someone else is watching- on that same note, I want to do it in a room that has a large window as it’s wall. I want to do it right up against the window so that others can see.
  • Similar to the above and below- having sex while on a web cam on a site like chat roulette(obviously not chat roulette but a sex type chat roulette site)
  • Having sex while being video taped
  • Have sex on the beach at night
  • Have sex on a hotel balcony
  • Silk/satin sheets with candles all around(I know sooo cliche, but I want it!)
  • Outside, somewhere border-line public
  • On the hood of a car(preferably at night, and down a deserted road of sorts)
  • Sex swing. Enough said.
  • Sex while blindfolded and tied up and tie up and blindfold my SO/ I also want to be spanked and have my hair pulled(not terribly hard, I wouldn’t consider myself a sadist at all)
  • Give a sexy striptease (I do not feel graceful or sexy enough for this, but I would love to do it to please the other person)
  • Have sex in the rain
  • Try some positions in one of those Kamasutra books

 

More to come!

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