Life, Love and Happiness…Oh and maaybe some sex

What is life? What does this all mean? What do I want from all of this?

I want so much, just like anyone else in the world.

I want to succeed in my academics, profession, relationship, friendship and most importantly at life. I want to make my parents proud and my future kids proud, I also want to be proud of what I have accomplished.

But as I have been thinking more and more of what I want from life, where do I want to be in 1 year, 5 years or hell 20 years(ohh god that’s scary)? The answer to this question is I have no fucking clue. I haven’t the slightest idea of what I want that will make me happy until the ripe age of 65. This scares me more than anything. If I don’t know this now…When will I know? How do I figure this out?

Why do some people know exactly what they want as soon as they come out of the womb? Some people don’t figure it out in their eye-opening years of college…well in that case…IT’S MY FUCKING TURN!!

And that’s another thing…I haven’t lead the normal college life and I blame that for not knowing what I want out of life. I have been focused on making money to pay bills for far too long. It really makes me depressed at times because I hear all these amazing drunken shenanigans that people do/have done in college and I haven’t done any of this. Sure I had my fun in high school with the normal house parties, keg parties,  sneaking out, using a fake ID, etc…. But I want college fun. I want to live in a dorm and walk to class hungover and half awake.  I want to do stupid shit that I will more than likely regret the next morning. I want to have a drunken threesome with some of my dorm mates. I want to only have enough money in my bank account to buy booze and maybe a McDonald’s jr. cheeseburger. I want so many things that are associated with college living…

But what am I doing? Living on my own, paying all my own bills, just bought a new car, working a hectic 40+ hour a week job, going to school full-time and basically living a boring adult life…and failing miserably at it.

I’m torn between being slightly proud of myself for being only 21 and making a considerable amount of money already, paying for all my own shit and being more or less independent….and not living a fulfilling completely irresponsible life.

And I know… “Chelsea the answer is simple….just quit your job, get a job serving downtown near college, sleep until 3pm and do whatever the fuck I want to do!” Oh my gosh…that sounds fucking amazing.

But how about no.

Off the topic of me talking about my feelings *yuck*. Gman and I have never really had an awkward moments during sex or foreplay..nothing besides the normal queef…which for some reason makes me giggle when that happens…probably not so much a turn on haha.

So sometimes my vagina gets tired and stop lubricating itself mid- sex…I mean damn…give her a break…with all the foreplay and penetration…she just needs a little break every now and then.(if that last sentence didn’t make me seem like a major nympho then you have very low standards). So this is when gman and I use some lube, we have only used lube maybe 2 times before this incident. Fumbling around in the drawer next to my bed without looking at what I was picking up.

Back up a minute— About a month or 2 ago I went to the store and bought this sample pack of cute looking lube bottles. There were 6. I thought lube was lube was lube…oh Boy was I wrong.

So I give gman a bottle that I grab from the drawer. He opens it…puts it on the outside of my vagina and starts to put it on the tip of his penis. I felt it getting very warm and I just thought that’s what it was supposed to feel like. He put his penis inside me and thrusts a couple of times and then we both realize it was fucking BURNING! We both jump out of the bed and get into the shower!!

Lesson learned: Lube isn’t lube isn’t lube.

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Sex me up please!

Ok! So I am all moved in, despite a few boxes and some things that need to be moved to storage, I am happy! I like it here…it feels a lot homier than my old place!

My dad helped me on moving day and without him I would have been overloaded and very stressed. Thank GOD for my daddy!! 🙂 He really did a lot more than I could have ever asked!

I also bought a TV from Best Buy because the ex took my old TV.

Also, I have been reading some blogs and most of the blogs I follow have something to do with sex…and I get horny, and that’s where I stand right now…I want to have sex and gman is working until 9. Work is so frustrating sometimes. Gman bought me this cute little Droid(I’m a geek, I know 🙂 ) for no reason at all! This is what I fucking want!! He is perfect. He is always there to listen to me… I am so incredibly happy with him and I am sooooo happy I have him right now. Although I talk alot about missing my ex, I know me being with gman is right. I can feel it…I am actually happy. He actually listens to me, tries to help me fix my problems, he tells me when I am being bratty about something that I am complaining about. I can actually have an intellectual conversation with him,  but then we can have a completely childish and silly conversation…. he is absolutely flawless! 🙂

The Gilmore Girls is a great show! I want to be like Lorelai! She is beautiful, independent, witty and has a very intelligent and witty daughter(who I like alot too!!)

And now this is just getting random….I’m going to stop!!

Ohhh and  I will be going to a baseball game this weekend. Its my college versus gman’s college! Woot Woot!!

And I also tried to load a super sexy picture to this post, but it never loads…I swear I am very tech savvy but this website just seems to always win! :/

Am I a lesbian!?!


When I watch porn I prefer to watch girl on girl and I really like when a guy is eating a girl out. That gets me going more than anything!! Does this make me bi-sexual??

Gman and I went to a concert this Saturday at a place called The Pour House on James Island. We got a couple drinks  and we were just listening to some good music (Jeff Coffin from Dave Matthews Band was playing) and dancing around a little bit. There was this girl who was slightly intoxicated and she was really getting into the music. She had brown hair and she was BEAUTIFUL (the girl from the neurobiology class still has me…but this girl totally would have done the job)…let me remind you that I have never done 1 thing with a girl, but lately I have been really feeling more drawn to initiating a threesome with gman!

DISCLAIMER: Penis will always be my favorite…just trying to be a little more adventurous.

On a non-sexual note, I just played soccer tonight after 3 years of not even touching a soccer ball. major FAIL….I was exhausted after about 5 minutes, and don’t get me wrong, the people that were also playing weren’t amazing or anything, but it’s uber frustrating when you know your potential and just keep fucking everything up. I played soccer for about 11 years of my life and am not a star but I know the game…..OH well….guess I’ll be practicing more in the coming weeks! YIPPPEEEE

Gman really does make me sooo happy. I love being with him more than anything. He is such an nice guy and tries so hard to be nice to me, think of me when hes doing stuff(getting lunch, coffee in the mornings, etc)…I’m getting over the ex stuff with him more and more everyday. I feel like if I am jealous about it and complain about shit all the time then it will only make him resent me and possibly not want to even be with me because I can’t accept the fact that he talks to his ex. If he wanted to be with her then he would have done so within the past 2 years….and he didn’t, so I need to trust him and his decisions. I need to put myself in his shoes, but on the same note he needs to put himself in my shoes every once in a while too…I get jealous and that’s a completely natural reaction to have…I just need to control it!!

Here’s to sexy time, anxiety and happiness!!

So if you guys don’t think I’m bipolar…then there is something wrong with YOU! 🙂 My last post was an angry rant of mine in which I sounded completely disgusted with the situation between gman and I.

We talked about this AGAIN and hopefully this will not be a problem ever again.

Gman’s birthday was on Friday and we went out on Saturday. I was a mess beforehand because all I could think about was meeting his friends at dinner and then some more friends later that night at the bars. Despite my anxiety, It def was a success! I had a blast and I can’t wait to do it again! All of his friends were very nice to me and it was awesome! Also his ex girlfriend did not show up, which was even better.

We also took a couple minute trip to the bathroom and had a little fun! WOO HOOO. All the entries on my  little life list I have going might get crossed off before I know it!!

After the bar that night we went back to his place, on the ride home I was driving and he kept kissing and touching me and even unbuttoned my pants….when we walked in his house, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other and barely made it upstairs, well we actually left almost all our clothes downstairs. I wasn’t thinking his roomie was coming back but apparently she had the same ideas we had! She came home to discover us having sex upstairs in gman’s bedroom and all of our clothes scattered downstairs. Her and her man actually had sex in her room right next to gman’s while we were having sex too…that’s fucking sexy if you ask me. Not to mention I had bruises all over my legs and arms from us. 😀

So I know the time is coming for gman to meet my parents and where they live and all that good stuff. I am sooo excited about this, I can’t wait for him to meet everyone. I think everyone will like him so much and they will all get along very well. There is one thing that I am so insecure about and have been since I can remember. Since I have had the same bf since high school I really didn’t have to worry about this, I  grew up with him and I have had all the same friends since middle/high school. There is no reason I should be insecure about this and there really is no reason I should even care what other people think. But I do and I am. My parents live in a city of Charleston that is known as “upscale” or where people with money live….and this is true. somewhat. My parents are not rich, nor are we “upscale” by any means. We don’t have a membership to a country club, I don’t have a trust fund, my parents don’t have multiple houses and cars, hell my parents haven’t even given me any money since I was probably 15. My mom just got a job at a local police department to be a 911 dispatcher and my dad owns his own contracting business. My parents live in a double wide trailer, and its not a trashy double wide…it has hardwood floors inside and they have painted and redone all the bathrooms. They keep it clean and its not the typical “trailer” that you think about. I feel like I am being so superficial thinking the way that I do and worrying about minuscule things like this…. I also think, Oh if anyone else doesn’t like me or judges me based on this thing then they aren’t worth being my friend, they aren’t worth my time. But I like gman and I don’t want something like this to fuck it all up. This is also something that is super awkward for me to talk about…how do I bring this up, how do i start this conversation, is this even a conversation that needs to be discussed? I should not be ashamed of where I live, have lived or where my parents live. My parents are amazing people and if they are happy, then I should be happy! This should not bother me…but it does! 😦

“I like waking up to you….and going to bed next to you”-gman

sex, sex and more sex!

(tumblr)

He pushes me on the floor next to the couch and crawls on top of me. kissing my neck and collar bone and nibbling all the areas in between. He pulls my shirt up and starts rubbing and kissing my stomach. He jerks me up from the floor and carries my upstairs to the bedroom. as he undresses me he takes the shirt i was wearing and ties my arms behind my back. OH MY GOD….I WANT THIS!! He rips my pants off and starts playing around the outside of my vagina (I fucking love when he uses his hands inside me. He is sooo fucking good at it) While my hands are still tied up behind me he goes down on my and starts licking my vagina and puts his fingers deep inside me, doing whatever he does with his fingers, I am truly in heaven… holyjesus.. The whole session was amazing and he ended up fucking me while he was on top, he did all the work and I felt sooo refreshed afterwards.

 

The night before he came over to my place and we had sex in my shower! I also love shower sex! It didn’t last long in the shower and we ended up on my bed! God this guy is amazing. Sex doesn’t feel like a chore or obligation with him. I fucking love it.

Gman got me fucking flowers this morning! MUAHAHAH fucking flowers. They were beautiful

So the picture didn’t turn out so great once I uploaded it to this site…hmm I am probably doing  something wrong! Sorrry!

 

And also gman and I are hanging out tomorrow motherfuckers!! what what! He asked me last week if I wanted to do something and then we made plans about what to do yesterday! we are making dinner together at his place after we get off work! Just keeping it low key 🙂

He makes me so happy! I love hanging out with him and I love making him happy! If I am so happy with him I wonder why I still feel depressed about the ex sometime. Grr its so frustrating. I know he is living at a place where its a constant party and I know he hates that. He’s also a pretty clean person and the place where he is living is also really messy and gets dirty quickly, and I know he hates that too. I feel so bad for him. I feel like this is all my fault! I also miss my dog so much its ridiculous.. I think about him every day. I wish I could have my dog back 😦 I know I don’t have the time for him right now though and I know he is probably always being played with over there.