Quick little bullet points! (bullet reminds me of mullet and that’s gross)

So I suck…sorry for sucking so much, and not in a good way at all. Also this post will just be a collage of randomness!

I want to write so much more but I just can not find the time for it now! I just moved stores so I am much closer to my house, but I still feel I never have time for anything!!

Also my mom just had surgery today and I had to take off a week or so from work so I could help her do things. Maybe I will find time then to do all these things that I think I need to do….

I also want to have sex, crazy, spontaneous, fun sex. I want to do something I haven’t done yet. Sex on the beach sounds so cliché, but I think it would be so romantic.

I will be going to Chicago in July for the DMB caravan tour and I am BEYOND excited for it!! Gman’s ex will be there…major bummer and it really bothered me when I first told him…it actually caused a huge argument in which I basically didn’t talk to him for an hour or so. It was terrible. But I feel like they still talk via text and the fact that they still split custody of the dog means they will keep talking via text or phone until they figure out who gets to keep the dog. who knows if he will ever even have that convo… I don’t know what bothers me about her and him talking…hey havent been together for 2 years now and she has a boyfriend, I just don’t like it. She is really pretty and I sometimes feel like the things he likes or wants from his girlfriend are exactly what she is! I feel like I’m just not going to cut it sometimes and even though I completely believe that he does not want to go back to her…I feel like I will be compared to her.

The other day Gman and I were talking and we were both a little tipsy…I think he was about to tell me he loved me?! maybe I’m wrong and I’m just flattering myself. But I was soooo fucking scared. I changed the conversation so quickly! I wouldn’t know what to say to him if he said that…I would be speechless. I don’t know if I love him. I really really like him and I really like to hang out with him and spend my time with him. But love is such a special word to me and I don’t think what we have yet is love. Love to me is something deeper than just spending time together for a couple of months.

I want to buy a tv for my bedroom, an ipad for school, and I desperately need a new computer…I have been holding out for some time now…but as soon as I get some extra cash…I will be buying one.

Life, Love and Happiness…Oh and maaybe some sex

What is life? What does this all mean? What do I want from all of this?

I want so much, just like anyone else in the world.

I want to succeed in my academics, profession, relationship, friendship and most importantly at life. I want to make my parents proud and my future kids proud, I also want to be proud of what I have accomplished.

But as I have been thinking more and more of what I want from life, where do I want to be in 1 year, 5 years or hell 20 years(ohh god that’s scary)? The answer to this question is I have no fucking clue. I haven’t the slightest idea of what I want that will make me happy until the ripe age of 65. This scares me more than anything. If I don’t know this now…When will I know? How do I figure this out?

Why do some people know exactly what they want as soon as they come out of the womb? Some people don’t figure it out in their eye-opening years of college…well in that case…IT’S MY FUCKING TURN!!

And that’s another thing…I haven’t lead the normal college life and I blame that for not knowing what I want out of life. I have been focused on making money to pay bills for far too long. It really makes me depressed at times because I hear all these amazing drunken shenanigans that people do/have done in college and I haven’t done any of this. Sure I had my fun in high school with the normal house parties, keg parties,  sneaking out, using a fake ID, etc…. But I want college fun. I want to live in a dorm and walk to class hungover and half awake.  I want to do stupid shit that I will more than likely regret the next morning. I want to have a drunken threesome with some of my dorm mates. I want to only have enough money in my bank account to buy booze and maybe a McDonald’s jr. cheeseburger. I want so many things that are associated with college living…

But what am I doing? Living on my own, paying all my own bills, just bought a new car, working a hectic 40+ hour a week job, going to school full-time and basically living a boring adult life…and failing miserably at it.

I’m torn between being slightly proud of myself for being only 21 and making a considerable amount of money already, paying for all my own shit and being more or less independent….and not living a fulfilling completely irresponsible life.

And I know… “Chelsea the answer is simple….just quit your job, get a job serving downtown near college, sleep until 3pm and do whatever the fuck I want to do!” Oh my gosh…that sounds fucking amazing.

But how about no.

Off the topic of me talking about my feelings *yuck*. Gman and I have never really had an awkward moments during sex or foreplay..nothing besides the normal queef…which for some reason makes me giggle when that happens…probably not so much a turn on haha.

So sometimes my vagina gets tired and stop lubricating itself mid- sex…I mean damn…give her a break…with all the foreplay and penetration…she just needs a little break every now and then.(if that last sentence didn’t make me seem like a major nympho then you have very low standards). So this is when gman and I use some lube, we have only used lube maybe 2 times before this incident. Fumbling around in the drawer next to my bed without looking at what I was picking up.

Back up a minute— About a month or 2 ago I went to the store and bought this sample pack of cute looking lube bottles. There were 6. I thought lube was lube was lube…oh Boy was I wrong.

So I give gman a bottle that I grab from the drawer. He opens it…puts it on the outside of my vagina and starts to put it on the tip of his penis. I felt it getting very warm and I just thought that’s what it was supposed to feel like. He put his penis inside me and thrusts a couple of times and then we both realize it was fucking BURNING! We both jump out of the bed and get into the shower!!

Lesson learned: Lube isn’t lube isn’t lube.

My Sincere Apologies

I am incredibly sorry I haven’t  been able to write anything in the last couple of weeks. I have been ridiculously busy with finals(one of which I finnished this morning around 1030)…which was then celebrated with cocktails with a fellow classmate and friend and we were basically tipsy before noon. It was best end to the semester I could ask for.

I swear to goodnessgraciousallmighty I will write soon…and it will be juicy and wonderful!!

So hang in there!