Iphone launch in stores in 5 days!! $$$$

I have the worst anxiety right now. I am supposed to go to a Super Bowl party tomorrow after work and I might not go. There are going to be friends of gmans there and I am so fucking nervous(not to mention his ex…which I am not even sure she knows me/will know me). If I do end up going and get ignored by him or anything of that sort…Its really going to hurt my feelings and I will have to leave and look like an idiot to everyone. I really might decide against it and end up just watching the game at my place. I don’t get off till 730 anyways. If I was still with the ex I wouldn’t have to worry about this shit. I would know everyone we were going to the party with. I have to do something about this fucking anxiety. I will not  live with this shit forever.

I think about the ex every day, I still wonder if I made the right decision. I still wonder if I go back to him now if anything will change. I know he will take me back now(or at least I think he will) but what if I wait a couple more months…he probably wont. what if he moves on and come to find out gman and I don’t work out. what if nothing ever comes of gman and I. what if gman isn’t what I thought he was. I want so much and I don’t know if gman will fit my criteria…I know that sounds kind of fucked up and bitchy of me…but if I wanted to be unhappy in a relationship then I would have just stayed with the ex. at least some time we had fun, at least I was comfy, at least I still had friends, at least I knew someone was waiting for me at home when I got off, at least I knew I could make plans and he would be right there, at least I knew where he was and who he was with and I didn’t have to always worry about some other girl in the picture. that is one thing that the ex would NEVER EVER do, he was so loyal. Not to say gman has anyone else in the picture, he mentioned to me that during college he cheated on his then current girlfriend…he also told me he has changed since then and regrets all of the things he did. People never change though. Once you cheat one time it makes it so much easier to cheat again. and from what he told me he cheated A LOT.

Why am I putting myself through this? the ex really wasn’t that bad of a person. why am I doing this to him? what the fuck is my problem.

I would never tell anyone this..anyone EVER, but the reason I ended it with the ex is because I liked gman. I liked him for a while and knew the feeling wasn’t going to go away.

In other recent news. I told gman about my minor “obsession” with the girl in my class…he was thrilled(as any guy would be). I found out her name and insisted he friend request her on facebook so we can stalk her!! He did and she accepted! she probably has no idea who he is and definitely doesn’t know that I am friends with him. That’s stage 5 stalker status if you ask me! oh LORD


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