Is chivalry dead?

Someone who opens doors for others,

who puts the comfort of others before theirs,

who compliments you for absolutely no reason,

who does not abuse nor tolerate abuse especially towards women,

who might disagree with others but respects the opinions of others,

who does not have to have the most expensive clothes but is still clean and well dressed,

who is faithful and trustworthy,

who will listen , truly listen,

who does not judge.

I want a gentleman in my life. I want someone that I am excited to introduce to my parents, someone who I know will impress them! I want a gentleman who will offer to pay for lunch when we go out with them, who will hold the door open for us, someone who will get my mom flowers when they first meet her. I feel as if I might live in some imaginative fairy tale land. I am veryyyyyy old school when it comes to dating. I will NEVER ask a guy out first, I will never invite myself over to their place, I expect the guy to pay if he asks me to go out somewhere (after we start “dating” that is VERY different and I think it should be equal, but not in the beginning) It sounds kind of odd but when we enter a restaurant I expect the guy to tell the hostess how many in our party and if we want smoking or not. I love it when a guy “steps up” and handles those situations. I feel as if that is his place to do these simple things. Again, my idea of these “perfect” gentleman might be completely  misconstrued, but i want these things…there has to be someone, somewhere that can give me these things…

I miss the ex a lot tonight. I get into these bouts of depression and I hate it that I don’t have anything that I used to have. friends, my dog, my best friend, boyfriend. He mind fucks me so much I just don’t know what to think/ how to handle this. I know I wont be going back to him anytime soon, I know we wont be getting back together and I know this is best for me right now, but it sucks. It reallllly sucks.

I miss him being around the house and playing music loud and making his beats, I miss someone sleeping next to me every night, I miss seeing his face, I miss us being goofy together, I miss him making fun of me for the silly stuff that I do, I miss being able to count on someone no matter when, where, what time, I miss his family, I miss my family, I miss the idea of us, I miss the happiness I had.

On that depressing note and onto a not so depressing one…I ordered a uconn and loves them and anything that involves them…so I just got him this t shirt that I thought/realllllly hope he likes! I got it for Valentines day, that is if we even do anything for it. if not Ill just give it to him for being super nice to me and because I want to!

So we were talking the other night about taking a trip up to New York for a couple of days because both of us have a lot of vacation time that we can use at work. anywho he mentioned on the way going to see his family in CT. totally fine, I know how much he misses his family and it would be super fucked up if we went to NY and he didn’t even get to see them. but ohmyjesuschristonacross does that freak me out! I will need a SERIOUS xanax script to get me through that time, and I’m not even joking. I am having a panic attack just thinking about it. I want to meet his family, but what the hellll. We are not dating, what are his parents going to think? some random girl from South Carolina who says ma’am and sir constantly and might sound a little funny is up here with my precious boy and they aren’t even dating, THAT DEVIL BITCH!!!

I like gman a lot, as we know, as i say every goddamned post. I feel as if this whole post might hint toward something otherwise, but it doesn’t, this is just what was on my mind….thats it, no direction implied..I hope everything works out. I hope his friends like me, I feel as if I am coming reallly close to meeting some of them, and I am so scared.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Taylor
    Jan 31, 2011 @ 14:31:37

    It’s not completely dead 🙂 You’ll find a gentlemen!


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