Im. obsessed. with. jack. johnson

I have been on a Jack Johnson kick for, oh I don’t know, a week now!

Jack Johnson

SOOO as happy and positive I am trying to be right now, its hard. I think this would be an appropriate time for some housekeeping.

The ex and I dated for 5 1/2 years as I said before. He was my best friend for probably 3 years before we even started dating. All of our friends were/still are mutual. this makes it sooo tough to move on and makes it even worse to talk to old friends about the situation. Yes, but if they are true friends it shouldn’t matter that y’all are broken up….blah blah blah. I have heard it and its not fucking true. It still does matter, people still take sides and its NOT fair. because I initiated the break up I’m the bad guy. I’m ok with being the bad guy, as long as I did something bad. I don’t think I did anything wrong….I just wanted space. I just wanted to grow up a little on my own. without the security blanket I have been carrying for almost 8 years.

I still love him. Alot. Like whatever he wanted me to do I would do it for him. Its not the kind of love for an intimate relationship, its more like a best friend love.  there is no sexual attraction there and really hasn’t been for some time now. Sex was never a big thing between us and it felt like an obligation when I was with him. everything we did, it was for him…and I was ok with that. I didnt know that women were supposed to get pleasure out of sex….weird I know right. what kind of fucking sheltered life have I been living. the southern life i suppose. I feel terrible talking about him like this, but it has been on my mind, and he will never see this nor will anyone who knows him. oh and also I saw on his fb that he has a new “girl-friend”…just a friend that’s a girl that he apparently likes…they aren’t dating. And I am ok with that. I guess that a sign that there is nothing between us anymore. I feel bad, I feel like I should hate her and hate him for that. I feel like that should make me extremely jealous…does this make me non-human for not being jealous?? I feel territorial a bit over him and at first I wanted to flip my shit and call and bitch him out. then i realized….im ok with this. What is wrong with me?

jho(an old best friend of mine) has been trying to contact me lately and I am sooo over it. She used to use heroin (and probably still does) and i try to be there for her, and i have wasted so much time and energy into trying to help her get better in the past. I feel like its my responsibility to help her. she was my best friend for 5-ish years. I FUCKING HATE HEROIN!!! It has ruined 2 of my friendships(jho and ash tray—we were like 3 peas in a pod) in the past and killed one of my friends. for the record I have NEVER used heroin and never ever ever want to use it. I look back at some of the pictures from times when we were hanging out and it makes me so depressed. I wish I could go back to those times and stay there…just freeze time. we didnt have jobs, bills, drama, worries. we just hung out and loved each other.

I dont want to grow up!!

on a slightly lighter note; Verizon is getting the iPhone. HOORAY!! I actually don’t give a shit about the iPhone itself, I just want to start bringing in the dough that will come from those wealthy AT&T users who so desperately want a better network and need to keep their, oh so precious, iPhones!

On a wonderfully much lighter note. I stayed at g-man’s house last night. we both had an opening shift at work today and wanted to watch a movie last night. I feel like I can be an absolute goof when I’m with him. I feel like he wont mind or judge me. I am a goof, I like to have fun and just be silly. so we watched The Town last night and it was awesome. I love bank robbery movies. so in the middle of the movie, his new roomie (girl from Connecticut that he went to school with, shes trying to move down here and needs a place to stay for a while until she can get on her feet) left to take a call upstairs. She was on the phone for a while, so g-man and i started listening to music, talking, bull-shitting. then we went to bed. the end

hahah just kidding. well we went to bed and we got these new condoms(since I dont want to have babies) and it is a trojan combo pack! Fucking score! there are 4 different kinds and 2 of each kind…which basically means you can try them out!! 2X! so we had sex and it was awesome. (also with the ex, he literally lasted about hmmm 2 minutes, then it was over…and if i gave him a blow job before hand, forget about it, it was like 30 seconds) we used the fire and ice condom, and it felt just like the description. I also got rug burn on my toes. :-/ really not sure how that happened, but it hurts when I put shoes on! haha

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Whitney
    Jan 19, 2011 @ 22:47:24

    Wow, rugburn on your toes. That’s something haha. It sounds like you have some very good things happening in your life! I hope the bad stuff starts to go away =)

    Whitney

    Reply

  2. grateful to Bee
    Jan 20, 2011 @ 04:45:22

    A) Obsessed with J.J. myself. He’s pretty dang amazing. I can listen to him happy, sad or anywhere in between & still feel something different every time.
    B) Boys/men/losers… buhhh… they come & go. Clearly you realized your desire & need to move on, and if your “friends” don’t see that, they AIN’T YO FRANDS!!!!! every person deserves their space!
    C) My sister is a recovering heroin addict. I 100% feel your pain. Because it’s impacted my life so amazingly, I’m always interested in connecting with people so closely to it.

    Reply

  3. Prude and Confused
    Jan 20, 2011 @ 14:32:48

    Whitney-Thanks! I’m sure it will, this is just temporary(hopefully).

    grateful to Bee- Thanks!! I am def excited to talk to someone else in the same(kind of) situation as me!(when it comes to the heroin issue)

    Reply

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